My Kids + My Blog = Jealousy

When a new member joins the family, there are bound to be growing pains. The kids may think it's fun at first to have someone new in the daily mix, but eventually the novelty wears thin as the day-to-day care of the new addition becomes a reality.

Being a mom to three kids, I've lived through the excitement and adjustment that comes when your family expands. I totally expected it, too. What I didn't expect was that the same period of adjustment would happen when I started my blog last November. To my surprise, my kids were jealous.

Sure, at first they were very excited for me. They were even impressed that this old dog could learn a few new tricks.


Until this point it never occurred to them that I could even type, let alone use a computer. 

Heck, I barely had time to brush my teeth raising three children with a variety of special needs and issues that needed daily attention. Never mind spending my time web surfing. Personal enrichment and satisfaction were not high on my to-do list.


My kids knew I had worked in an office before becoming a mom, but I think they thought of that as more of a suburban legend in the once-upon-a-time-the-old-gal-had-a-life vein. 


Very quickly the awe and even pride my kids felt at watching me do something new was replaced with cries of, "when are you getting off our computer?"


The cries came the loudest from our daughter Lizzy, whose special needs have always included an extremely hard time with speech and language. Phrases such as "mommy, you sure like that computer," started to grow into "mommy get off my computer now."


Always thrilled whenever Lizzy can find her words, I would smile and tell her that it was great she was using her words so well, but we do not speak to people that way. Then I would go back to my blog.


Our oldest son, Tom knew something had really started to change a few weeks later. We were on our fifth attempt at taking the yearly Christmas picture when I uncharacteristically, threw in the towel.


"That's it guys. It's just going to be the year without a Christmas picture. It's really no big deal."


Then I started to sing that phrase to the tune of an old Christmas special I remembered as a kid.


Tom, newly 12 at the time, was not amused.


"But Mom, you always make the Christmas picture such a big deal."


"I know honey, but why don't we give ourselves a year off, it will be fine."


Then I launched into another round of, "It was the year without a Christmas picture."


His next statement took me completely by surprise.


"This is not like you... You are only doing this because of that blog... You want something to write about for next week."


Honestly. At the time, I hadn't thought about it, but he had a point. It would make a great story. I always knew that boy was brilliant.


Of course, the most heartbreaking reaction came from our youngest, Peter, who was five at the time my blog came into our lives. Since he was used to sharing me with Tom and Lizzy I didn't think my new passion would really affect him. I was wrong.


“Mommy, I hurt my toe! I need a band-aid.”


I looked up from the computer and gave him my sweet mommy smile. I looked at his toe, which showed no signs of trauma and comforted him with a big, long, hug. Then I went back to the computer.


He asked for another band-aid.


I’m used to Peter's need for band-aids, but I was in the middle of a great thought plus I had dinner to check. Surely, an unnecessary band-aid could wait a minute.


After several failed attempts to elicit my sympathy and attention, Peter had had enough.


“Mommy, I will see you later. I am going to the nurse!”


Yes, it's been an adjustment this last year.


Things have changed. Or more accurately, I have changed.


I no longer use the family computer. I have my own. And, I have my own office too. Well, "office" may be stretching it a bit. It really is just a corner in our bedroom, but it's all mine.


At first it was hard for everyone to realize that mom meant business about her "office" being off-limits. I've never made it a priority to have my own space. I was so happy being a mom, the space didn't seem that important.


But this was different. Funny thing is, once I stood up for my right to have my own corner of the world, the kids, and even my husband, complied.


The one exception to the no one touches mommy's computer is each Sunday when Joe edits my blog. Little did I know that when I married an editor 18 years ago his skills would become so handy.


The kids really didn't know what to make of Joe and I working together and spending time on something other than them. All of sudden three people who were perfectly happy playing and not wanting anything to do with dear old mom and dad desperately needed us the minute Joe would start to work on my site.


Now they accept the few minutes Sunday evening when daddy edits mommy's blog and no one can talk to us. They are also used to the silly exchanges that happen between Joe and I while he gently and ever so tactfully reviews my copy.


Last week was a perfect example.


"Kathy, do you really want to say you secretly read romance novels? It's not really a secret."


"Yes it is. I don't like to publicly buy them. I won't even take them out of the library. That's secret."


"Hmm, I don't think that's accurate. You should just say that you read romance novels."


"No, no, don't say that. I don't want anyone to know I'm OK with it. Why can't I just say I read them in secret? Is it really going to harm your journalistic integrity?"


"Yes, yes it is."


With that I hear Tom laughing in the hallway.


"What if I say I guiltily read romance novels, can you live with that?"


"Yes, that will work."


"You two are so cute when you do this" says a soon-to-be 13 year old Tom.


"Shouldn't you be in bed now?" I say with a smile.


Writing my blog and finding my joy in writing has changed me in ways I never expected.Without even knowing I did it, I had misplaced a part of myself. I was so attuned to my children's needs that I really let my own slide.


The truth is the real addition to our lives hasn't been my blog at all.


The new addition to the family has been me. And that is probably one of the best gifts I could give not only myself, but my family too.


Author's note: I published a blog post on Momster.com last December titled, "My kids are jealous of my blog." This piece is another look at the same topic and includes some excerpts from last year's post.

Alphabetically Speaking

With Hurricane Irene, this year's edition of "The Storm of the Century" bearing down on the Northeast, and the conclusion of our family's summer staycation, I thought it might be fun to do something a little different. 

I'm joining in on the fun that some blogging friends have been having on VoiceBoks and plan on describing myself using the alphabet. Here are the ABCs of me:


A    Always prefers to laugh, even if tears would be more appropriate.

B    Blogger is honestly one word I never thought I would use to describe myself, but what do you know, that is what I have become.

C    Changing my life for my children was impossible. So, I just got a completely new life. One I love even though it has its challenges.

D    Didn't think I could love my my husband and children a little bit  more each day, but I do.

E    Enjoy reading, gardening, Mad Men, and discussing politics, sometimes a bit too excitedly.

F    Forever changed by my daughter's neurological disorder that still has no name. Took me a long time to see that it wasn't my fault.

G   Going the distance in all my endeavors is my life's goal.

H   Help is still so hard for me to ask for without feeling humiliated.

I    Incredulous over the cruelty we can inflict on each other. Yet at the same time find the love, strength, and caring that we are capable of inspiring.

J    Just very grateful to be the wife and partner of my husband, Joe.

K   Katherine is my legal name. Kathy is what my husband and friends call me. To my dad though, I'll always be Kath.

L   Love to sing my children lullabies.

M  Meant to be a mom.

N  Need more sleep. It really is a necessity.

O  Older than my sisters. At 45 feeling a bit over the hill and well, just old.

P   Princess Elizabeth is my daughter. Perfect.

Q  Quickly learned that with three children the one thing that is not possible is quiet.

R   Remember listening to my favorite Broadway musicals on records.

S    Surprised to find out that I, one of three girls, was capable of having sons.

T   Too old to ever wear black lipstick again. Thankfully.

U   Until I had kids I didn't know that along with socks, washers also eat children's underwear.

V   Victoriously grew beautiful pumpkins one year. Then one day found that because of a squirrel they had all vanished.

W  Wish that I still didn't have a hard time considering myself a writer.

X   Xylophone is honestly something my son Peter wants for Christmas, or for the purpose of this essay, Xmas.

Y   Yellow rose I paid a small fortune for was supposed to be very hearty, but it's growth has been disappointing. Perhaps it will do better next year.

Z    Zoo trips are one thing I love to do with my family when we are on staycation and wouldn't you know it, almost all zoos have, you guessed it, zebras.

This Is Going To Go To My Head!!!

I have had a very fun week in the blogosphere! Yesterday I was the guest blogger at The North Forty and today I'm being featured on the wonderful blog of Becky Jane's "Rise Above Your Limits" http://riseaboveyourlimits.blogspot.com/

I had the great pleasure of talking to Becky two weeks ago in preparation of her piece on me. I have loved her blog and her spirit since I met her on VoiceBoks a few months ago. A mother of 11 she is a marvel and a very upbeat and caring voice in the big world of blogger land!!

Little did I know when I started My dishwasher's possessed back in November how many great and talented women I would have the chance to meet. Finding my voice took me a while but now that I have it I love to use it to share what I've learned and enjoy a laugh or two over some of my life experiences! I so appreciate the wonderful support I have gotten and I have come to cherish the friendships I have made in cyberspace!

I think that is the main reason I've come to love my time on VoiceBoks http://voiceboks.com The bloggers I have met there not only are interested in growing their own sites they also are interested in giving support and raising others up with them. I love that!! Becky Jane could be the poster child of that philosophy. She is always there with an answer to my questions or a word of encouragement. I'm really honored and thrilled she chose to profile me and I thank you for checking her lovely post of me out!!

If you haven't had a chance yet to check out Tykes Mom's great blog or my guest post there please drop by!  http://the-north-forty.com/

Now I'm going to enjoy the last day of our "Staycation" and celebrating my husband's birthday!!

See you on Sunday!! Much love to all!!