As I was cutting up some apples to make a fruit salad for my three kids, I found myself getting very frustrated with the little angels. I was smiling my best mommy smile as I counted the fruit and went over the colors... red apples... blue berries... oranges.... doing my best to educate as I entertained. But, my kids would have none of it.
Apparently, I was just not going fast enough. Peter, our six-year-old, kept announcing the fruits that remained in pure desperation. Seeing with his own eyes that I was cutting the apples with the knife was not enough to convince him that I was in fact serious about making this salad.
I was about to scream "I am only a human being" when it hit me like a ton of bricks. My super powers are almost gone! The warranty must have expired and I was none the wiser.
The card must have gotten lost among all the other papers, bills, and catalogs that come by the truckload to this house everyday.
Fear not. I will just purchase a new set of super powers.
But, this time I'm spending the big bucks and going for an upgrade. Mere eyes in the back of my head will not do anymore. My kids are getting older. My oldest will become a teenager in less than six months. I can't be fooling around with discount super powers.
The following is a list of powers I will be adding to my few remaining powers of kissing cuts and banishing monsters under the bed.
IN-VISA-MOM - I'm adding the invisibility option. True, up to this point my almost dog-like hearing powers have been enough to thwart a siege of 11-year-olds at a sleepover from raiding the fridge at 2:00 in the morning. Or, hear a hand of my nine-year-old daughter before it hits her younger brother in a toy theft.
But, who am I kidding? We are moving into the teen years. I need the power to not be seen as I say goodbye to my 12 year-old son. Plus it sure could come in handy at the middle school canteens, where the mere thought of having me chaperone is enough to make him faint.
MOMMY-GO-FASTER -- As I said, my current speed option is shot. Once I could cut the fruit and just use my sparkling personality to amuse the children. No more. I need the super speed option with the ability to cut fruit into perfectly proportioned pieces carefully leaving no skin on the apples.
Truthfully, I really need to be able to just blink and produce the fruit salad. Unfortunately, I have been told that option won't be ready for a few more years.
I was looking into the thaw-the-ice-cream-with-my-touch option, but that was just going to put me way over budget. The kids are just going to have to settle for the microwave.
LIFT-A-KID-ABILITY, otherwise known as the SUPER-STRENGTH OPTION -- This is a must. My six-year-old is getting bigger, but I'm not quite ready to give up carrying him up the stairs when he falls asleep in the playroom. It's bad enough I have to wake his sister and brother as I usher them up the stairs. The idea of not being able to hold at least one of my kids in my arms is just too much for me.
MEGA-MOM-MIND -- I have been in need of the mommy memory upgrade for some time. I thought I was covering up the fact that I couldn't always remember my children's names by using a variety of pet names, but Peter is now insisting that I use his real name. The jig is up, I need the advanced version of Super Mom Memory and I need it fast.
Fortunately for me an extra dose of patience is already included in the deluxe package. Mine is a bit frayed, but I hear this new version can withstand the teen years. I'm a little doubtful, but I'm in this mothering game for the long haul, and I'll take whatever help I can get.
I'm very disappointed to hear that they have not come up with a super power to freeze time.
My kids are growing so fast. I have only my memories and a few hundred photos to remind me of the feel and scent of each child as a newborn sleeping in my arms. Or, the look of pure joy that Tom and Lizzy had when they met their new brother Peter, for the first time. Or, the look of fear mixed with pride each time a new school year rolls around and I make all three of them take a "First day of School" picture.
Of all the Super Powers I could think of, this is the one I would pay a king's ransom for.
Just in case my Super Powers should be on back-order, I will just have to rely on what I was given the day I had each one of my babies... An amazing amount of love for each child and the knowledge that no matter how bad a day I might be having as a mom, the absolute best day before I had my children doesn't even come close.
