I run through the list in my head. Dance costume? Check. Jazz shoes? Check. Do I need hairpins? This is only the dress rehearsal, but I'll get hairpins and hairspray before the recital next week.
I reach in my closet and get her costume. I don't know why I have butterflies in my stomach. My nine-year-old daughter is the one who will be on stage.
I'm so glad we have the dress rehearsal this week and the recital next week. Lat year it was harder for Lizzy to understand the whole rehearsal performance concept when they were three weeks apart. This year it's great she can practice today, and then I can keep it fresh for her in the coming week.
For a minute I panic as I reach up and can't find the package I left up in the outer reaches of my closet.
Oh, thank God, here it is.
Pink sequins sparkle in my hand. Lizzy is not going to want to take this off. How am I going to tie up the pants? Well, the other moms will be there today, I can ask them.
Check the time. 11:45. OK. I'll get her in the shower and she can have lunch, get dressed, and then run to the rehearsal. I want to get their early so Lizzy and I can relax before it gets crazy with all the other classes getting ready to go over their routines.
12:15. We're still on schedule.
"Lizzy, come on. Let's get our costume on. Peter and Tom, please make sure you are ready. I do not want to be late."
"Oh, mommy! This is so pretty and sparkly"
I love this child.
Top on. Pants on. Boy are her legs long.
She looks so cute. I can't believe this is her fourth recital. She looks so grown up. I miss the white sequined tutu from her first recital.
I'm so proud of her. She has been practicing her routine, and I just know she is going to have fun dancing in front of everyone. I'm extra excited that this year the girls in her class will dance without helpers on stage. She has come so far.
Lizzy poses in the mirror. Hand on hip, the other arm extend up. She definitely has inherited my ham gene.
"I look beautiful."
"You do Lizzy. You look like a princess."
"Lizzy you look so pretty. You are going to do such a good job. Are you excited?"
"Yes, Tom. Thank you."
She is so lucky to have a brother that adores her.
"Lizzy! Look at you! You look so pretty!"
Joe grabs my hand. He is probably the one person who knows just how important this it to me. The chance to see our daughter preform in a dance recital just like any other little girl.
Mad dash to the car. Move it, move it. "Come on everybody I do not want to be late."
"I want to see my grandma and grandpa."
"Yes Peter, they are meeting us there. Come on, lets go, move your tushy!"
It's hard for me to be annoyed with that child. He flashes his winning smile, and my hard mommy reserve cracks.
We get to the school where the recital will be at 1:00 p.m. Perfect.
"Kathy, you and Lizzy get out here, we will meet you inside. OK Missy Liz, have fun. We will see you in there with Mommy."
"Do you have her dance bag?"
Of course I have her dance bag. I'm a mother.
"Got it. Come on Lizzy. Say goodbye to the boys."
"Bye boys."
Lizzy and I are both excited to see all the other girls dressed up in their costumes. Ballerinas... Cowgirls... Hip hop girls... Where are the girls from our group? I look around, and we are the only ones here. I hope I didn't mess up the time. We were supposed to be at the second rehearsal, right?
Big sigh of relief.
"Lizzy, look, here are the other girls."
Kisses, smiles, chorus's of "Say hi Lizzy." "Honey, say hi to Lizzy." "How are you doing?" More smiles, more giggles. I love the sense of community and excitement.
Even though we don't see each other often, we all know each others' stories, and have watched our children grow and change. It is one of those strange treasures of belonging to the "special needs community." There is an unspoken understanding, and we huddle around each other, as the other dancers--typical little girls who don't have to struggle for every milestone--walk around us. Some of them stare.
I look around and can't believe how big they have all gotten. The group has changed a bit through the years, but the core group of six has been together for four years.
Miss Maria comes over and gives each girl a huge hug and kiss. She just beams with pride at "her" girls. I look at her and wonder how I ever will be able to adequately thank her for giving Lizzy the chance to dance and be like any other child.
Maria is definitely one of the angels in our life. I marvel at her ability to combine her love for dance with her profession of teaching special needs children. She has the patience of a saint. She has given Lizzy the chance to express herself and always treats her with such respect and love. The smile Lizzy gives her warms my heart. Whenever I feel sorry for myself or Lizzy, I need only to think of people like Maria to realize just how blessed we are.
Time for the girls to line up. Lizzy doesn't need me to "babysit" her backstage as I once did. She is such a big girl! Nervously, I give her a kiss and walk to the auditorium with the other parents.
I see "my boys" and my mom and dad. My mother is already crying, and Lizzy isn't even on the stage yet.
"How is Lizzy doing? Do you think it is a good idea to leave her alone backstage? Who is back there with her?"
These questions don't come from my husband or parents, but from my oldest son,Tom. I swear he is more protective of her then all of us combined, and that is saying a lot.
I glance over at Peter, who has two tissues stuck in his ears. I look up at my mom and she just smiles and shakes her head.
I give up, but gosh, is he cute.
The girls come on the stage, and my heart is now in my mouth. It is beating so loud, I could swear everyone can hear it. It feels as if my face may crack from my wide smile.
Lizzy's face is lit up in a smile. She is dancing so well, only forgetting a few steps, and I only know that because we have been going over the routine. She looks so happy.
I feel the tears stream down my face and I could just bust from pride. I look up and there is Joe with the same huge smile on his face. Tom and my parents are beaming, even Peter, tissues still sticking out of his ears, is smiling.
The dance ends, the audience roars with applause, and I am so excited that I get to do the whole thing over next week.
I run and give my dancer a huge hug, feeling like the luckiest mom in the world.
